I'm not sure who, if any, of you actually know this, but my dad has terminal cancer (Stage IV Metastatic Prostate). By terminal, I mean, "there is no date or estimated time left but there definitely is no cure or chance of remission." It spread too far before...before diagnosis, even, and to a few inoperable places that there isn't a way to stop it, shrink it, etc. His chemotherapy keeps his cancer from growing but it cannot and will not decrease it.
The reason I mention this is because of the way my extended family takes it. Some of my cousins on my dad's side are in town and we had a grand ole family dinner today. As soon as family saw my mom and I sitting there, they pretty much followed the pattern of, "Hi, guys! Good to see you? How's Scott doing?" As far as the cousins in our family goes, my dad needs more worry than the rest. This has some merit, as having cancer sucks (TFIOS much?), so I didn't think much of them skipping over the two of us.
Then something weird happened later in the night. My cousin got married since we last saw her and was introducing me to her husband. She said, "This is my cousin Sarah. Her dad is my mom's baby brother." Then, really quietly, she added, "He's the one with cancer."
Me: *crickets and thought-filled silence*
It's amusing, saddening, and perplexing to me (all at once--that's a mess, isn't it?) why she did that. It was like she didn't want me to know she was talking about "the c-word" in front of me. A lot of people do that, I notice. But why? That, my homefries, is my question. Pretending for my sake that they aren't talking about it does not change the fact that the topic is addressed. Pretending like I can't hear them when they are less than a foot away from me doesn't change it either. Seriously, my dad is living with terminal cancer. I'm pretty aware of this. There's no need to try and skirt around it.
The avoidance of this topic is puzzling to me, fellow members of the posse. It's a very, very strange thing. But again: why does this happen?
My thoughts truly are stars I cannot fathom into constellations. Too many thoughts, not enough words to express them.
~'.:.'~ Sarah
Avoidance is just a way people deal with sad things. By avoiding it, it doesn't necessarily mean it's going away, but it means that we are not dwelling on it, or wondering why it's happening. The main reason I can think of that she was trying to be discreet is that she didn't want to ruin your night, in case you were trying to distract yourself from the situation. It's probably just how her empathy was making itself known without being overbearing.
ReplyDeleteI hadn't thought about it like that. Maybe it's because I'm so used to it that I see it differently, but I understand why she'd mention it that way so as to not dwell on it. As always, nice insights from another perspective, Kaylee, Queen of Hermits.
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